I apologize in advance that this probably won’t flow very well, but my mind is in a bit of shambles at the moment.
Roadblocks can be tough, especially if you’re riding a momentous wave and then suddenly you’re at a halt. I haven’t had much to update this blog on because that happens to be what our group is going through right now.
Our group was working hard, the creativity had a brilliant flow, and we were all excited to get to work- then, without getting into too much boring detail, we were stuck. I can’t speak on behalf of my whole group, but I know for me personally, the flow of creativity I have at any given time is truly a LUXURY.
I feel as though this semester in particular has required a lot of me in terms of creativity, and I very easily get creatively exhausted, so it’s been a little tough. I also know that the roadblock that our group has hit has also stunted my flow of creativity that I had going up until the point, and I’m not the kind of person who can just say “Okay, be creative!” and immediately get results. For me, creativity can come at 2 a.m while binge-watching a netflix series, or at 7 p.m in the shower. I do not have control of my creativity, it has control of me. I’ve learned to live in a “Carpe Diem” fashion and seize whatever moment I’m feeling creative, but sometimes that just doesn’t work.
An example of that is this semester I am in a costume design class. First of all, I CAN NOT draw. I’m terrible at it, and not even in a cute, quirky way, I just am no good. We had two challenging design projects due back to back, a week apart. The day we finished one, we started the other. I was feeling motivated and creative for the first one and found myself really enjoying the process, and I completely immersed myself in the project. When it was finally due, it was like my brain went into a creative meltdown and I could not think creatively or get creatively motivated to save my life. Then came project number two. I despised every moment of that project because I couldn’t gain my motivation back no matter what I tried, I didn’t like anything I was creating, and on top of it all, I had an impending deadline to meet. Now, the ironic part is I actually got a FAR better grade on the second one than the first, but the point is, creative exhaustion is REAL and it can really suck when you have a deadline to meet, but you just can’t force yourself to be creative, and then you’re stressed about not being creative so the creativity really doesn’t come.
I’m feeling so incredibly anxious to find my creativity and motivation again and just can’t. I’ve once again, for the third spring in a row, fallen victim to being an anxious and stressed wreck despite trying so incredibly hard to stay afloat.
This probably didn’t make any sense I’m just feeling really frustrated and anxious and needed a space to get my thoughts out, so thanks to whoever is still reading.